Chickens and Eggs

I was very tired from not getting enough sleep during the week, so I scheduled a relaxing weekend of lying around with no plans, but was I having trouble sleeping in the first place because I wasn't getting enough exercise?

Or perhaps from sleeping in on the weekends and then trying to get up really early during the week to do guitar practicing and go to the gym? Should I get up the same early time every day, even on weekends? Would that be enough hours?

Or am I tired maybe from not spending all weekend growing organic food and canning and preparing nutritious organic local-grown hippy meals?

Or would it be better to stop beating myself up about not cooking and not buying lots of fresh groceries all the time (because they just go off in the fridge because I never have time or energy after work to spend any time preparing anything), and just accept myself as I am, buy the frozen or fast food, and count myself lucky I live in such a country where women can live like this, and devote themselves to work and guitar and being online and not have to be enslaved to running a household and doing "reproductive work" such as feeding and cleaning for others?

Or do I not have any energy after work because I don't cook organic meals for myself?

And should I just hire a cleaning person again, to keep up with the dust and carpets and bathtub grime (I would be put in jail immediately if anyone were to see the bathtub grime), or am I perfectly capable of doing it myself and just need to do it? It's not that big of an apartment.

Not to even mention the boxes and the pictures I need to hang up. There's no possible way I can get over that block without some large change of circumstance - moving house, or someone else moving in here, or a million dollar prize offered if I were to get it done, or a grant of an extra month of vacation days from work, or I don't even know what. Why can't I do it?

But I don't want to spend a whole month going through files and organizing the detritus of my past. It's all in boxes, in stasis and equilibrium, not really hurting anyone apart from being an eyesore and slight fire hazard. If I have time, I want to spend it on guitar stuff. I would rather be a rock star than a competent homemaker. Or is it compulsory to do both?

Would it be better to just walk from all of this, with my iPhone and one change of clothes, and reduce my needs down to the minimum and focus on the important things? Would I have more companionship if I were living on the street and riding boxcars on transcontinental freight trains? The wrong kind of companionship? Is that better than none at all?

I'll either go and do another load of laundry or go back to bed. One or the other of those must be the right first thing to do.