I know that if I rushed into a dalliance, it would be a few hours of bliss - that feeling of leaving your body and becoming interconnected and time stopping and all that - followed a couple of days later by a lifetime's worth of horrible. Guilt, revulsion, anger, irritation, regret, etc. Just like all the last dalliances ended up. I know that's not worth it.
And I know that if I rashly proposed marriage, said hey, I have a good job, just marry me, we could do this, join your life to mine here and everything will be great, I know it wouldn't be great. I know that it would end up just like Dustin Hoffman and what's-her-name in the back of the bus at the very end of The Graduate. Oh my god, what have we done.
I choose to ignore these incontravertible facts. My desire goes ahead and desires an unending eternity of the first bit, the in-love bit, before it all goes bad. I want that, want that, want that. I don't really believe it's possible, with the front part of my brain, but the rest of me decides to want it. Like a drug.
Probably just the recent full moon.
I should probably write some songs. All songs are about exactly this.
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