Puritan in my brain

I have woken up this morning better but with a bit of a headache. I was browsing around the internet just now and had this conversation in my head.

"Last week was a bad week."

"How could it have been bad? You had two days off!"

"I had a cold, though. I was in pain and uncomfortable the whole time. Wait a minute, having a cold is bad! It's not time off!"

Who is that puritan in my head that thinks any time off work is a holiday? It reminds me of the people who told me when I was unemployed for so long, "Oh, you're so lucky! Enjoy the time off!" Unemployment was definitely not time off. For 18 months (and think hard about how long that is, people), every single day, I woke up in immediate panic, thinking, "What can I do to get a job?" Every day, all day, I had to do everything I could that would get me a job, and nothing that did not get me closer to a job. Every day, all day, I worried about money. The long months of repeated rejection ate away at my self-confidence more and more, so I had to lean on my partner more and more for reassurance, and after 18 long months of it, it became too much for him, and he decided it was much more fun to hang out with his hobag imbecile dress designer homewrecking cunt of an ex-girlfriend in the trivial imbecilic up-itself full of shit city of Berlin. Rather than love me.

So, people, unemployment was not "time off" to "enjoy". You bastards. And having a cold is not "time off" either. My head hurts and I'm uncomfortable! Having a cold counts as having a bad week, just as much as being overly busy at work would count.

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Must be some angry karma in the air this morning, because I just downloaded the Realaudio player and the sample video that was showing in their homepage menu was "woman being dragged underneath sliding car", complete with grainy still picture. Which was upsetting (the still picture was, I of course didn't click to watch the video). And Garrison Keillor's Writer's Almanac poem was all about people who kill kittens and puppies. Argh! I think I need some coffee.