Geography by desire

Right now in Appleton it's about 17 degrees and falling (-11 Celcius). We had some snow overnight and a bit more during the day, and when I left work I had to scrape a thick layer of frozen ice off my windscreens, while standing in the dark, alone at the far end of the parking lot, in a chill wind. But I survived. I'm from Wisconsin now.

Before I left work I was talking to my colleague who's also a hybrid, part American and part from the UK. We were talking about how depressing the decor in our offices is, and he said, "But it's better than having an office with a window, because then you have to look out at Wisconsin." He mentioned how his boss's windows currently look out on a blank of uninterrupted white, and how depressing he finds that. And I said, "You haven't really acculturated here yet, have you?"

I was musing about what he said this evening after I got home. I was thinking about how I'm here to be here, and I want to embrace the Wisconsin-ness and learn about it. I want to read the history of the place and meeting typical representatives of it's People (deer hunters, knitters, etc.). I thought, about my colleague, "He shouldn't be here if he doesn't want to be here. He should have some authenticity and go where he wants to be" (which btw is Japan). I thought, "I would never move someplace I didn't actually want to be."

But then an echo of a former thought sounded in my head; the thought was, "When one does a PhD in Philosophy, one gives up having any particular geographical desires." I have thought that thought and said it out loud, many times. I have, many times, moved places where I didn't particularly want to be (San Diego. Brisbane, for God's sake.), because that's where the job was. That's where I had to go to do my thing that I did, at the highest level. So that's what my colleague is doing now.

And that got me to thinking - when one does a PhD in Philosophy, one gives up having any particular geographic desires. I moved to Boulder, San Diego, Brisbane, then Newcastle with my ex, then Killcare because it was half-way in between our jobs, then Surry Hills because our jobs moved and the commute was too far. Have I ever moved someplace because it was where I wanted to be? In my whole gol-durned life?

Ever?

Yes, once. This time. That is a scary thought, and a rather profound one. This is the first, ever, in my life, town that I moved to because I actually wanted to be here, and it wasn't particularly about the job, because the job I had before was better. Oh my God. Appleton is the first town I actually chose.

But, then, no wonder the view of uninterrupted whiteness out my colleague's boss's window doesn't depress me, in fact makes my heart soar.

Wow.