The Sisters Concoct a Business Plan

B: I was driving to work this morning, convinced I was going to lose my job and my house. Dumb NPR.

E: Yeah.

B: But then I remembered, our parents own their house outright. And they have a yard, big enough for a chicken.

E: Exactly! And a sheep, so we could get the wool and make fabric to quilt and yarn to knit things out of.

B: And the sheep could mow the lawn. So, we could set up a stand on the corner and sell those, eggs instead of [I forget what she actually said, let's say it was "matchsticks"].

E: You've been watching Baby Boom too much. Or a goat! Goats eat grass. Oh, but they don't grow wool - unless you get a fancy alpaca goat, and we could make incredibly premium fancy sweaters.

B: And then sell them at affordable prices!

E: Exactly.

[Then there was a side conversation about how both of us seem to be getting allergic to both dairy products and soy.]

B: Maybe it's something that just switches up.

E: You're going to go back to milk on your cereal? I mean, you just want your cereal to be moistened, it doesn't have to be milk. Why does it even have to be milk-like?

B: [pause]

E: I mean, I've never tried the cornflakes and beer...

B: I was going to say.

E: A rock and roll breakfast. I remember this quote from David Lee Roth that has haunted me, from an article in Rolling Stone back when I was in high school, or maybe college. He said, "Rock and roll isn't just something you listen to, man. It's a lifestyle! It even determines what you eat for breakfast." But he didn't say what that was, and it's always haunted me, what is it? Maybe cornflakes and beer.

B: Anything. Jack Daniels.

E: That really would be rock and roll.

B: And Jack Daniels goes will all the breakfast foods, you can put it in your coffee...

E: That's right, it's sweet, isn't it? You could make Jack Daniels-flavored cream and inject it in a donut.

B: [laughs]

E: It would work! It would be like those chocolates with liqueur-flavored centers, but it would be Jack Daniels-flavored cream in a donut.

B: [laughs a bit more]

E: You could call it...[pauses for effect] Kripsy Fuckin' Kreme!

B: [laughs hard] There's our new business plan!

E: It's the kind of breakfast you have at three in the afternoon.

B: We wouldn't even open until three in the afternoon. [gets laughing hysterically] What was it again?

E: Krispy Fuckin' Kreme!

B: "The kind of breakfast you have at three in the afternoon." Ha, ha, ha, ha! [laughing hysterically]


We think it's a good business plan for these troubled times, because, as my sister said, "They drink when they're happy, they drink when they're sad."