Litany

What do you see?

White screen, bluish wallpaper image, green lights from the mouse. The rest of the room is dark - I didn't turn the light on when I came in. Ghostly fingers typing. A yellow glow to my right from the hallway light. Some headphones sitting on the book The Artist's Way, sitting on the laptop keyboard. A yellow guitar pick.

What do you hear?

Rattling keyboard keys, and something small and metallic going around in the dryer. The dryer's hum. The computer fan, faintly, off to the left. Really nothing else at all. I turned off the TV a few minutes ago.

What do you smell?

I don't hardly ever remember to smell things. Yesterday this computer area, the carpet here, smelled like dirty clothes and summer feet. Today it seems better so maybe that was actually me. Something smells hot - maybe the computer or the dryer. Maybe a little dusty.

What do you taste?

Grapes. I've done quite well - I bought them before my guests arrived, washed them off and just put them in a big bowl to hang out in the fridge. I thought they'd be shriveled and dry or wet and brown in no time, but they're hanging in there, I have a few each night after dinner instead of Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies. (The background thing, the secret fact about my otherwise posh and together self, is that I have run out out of money for the month, I anticipate overdrawing my checking account by at least $300 plus all sorts of fees for doing so, the credit card is just precisely balanced to cover the bills that should automatically hit it through the end of the month, I might be able to use that $20 gift certificate credit card for gas if I run out, I will be scrounging my cupboards for lunch. This has happened before. It's only eight days, so I'm sure I will manage. In fact I have $350 Aussie dollars that I could ATM back here to cover overages, but it cost me $50 in fees to get it there in the first place. I will start paying down debt next month, I swear. As soon as the table is refinished, and I have an amp. And if my parents come visit, after the holiday expenditure. But seriously, after that. Thousands of dollars a month. I need a bit more buffer than this, especially in these difficult and uncertain times.)

(That's a secret though, so please pretend that you don't know, don't loan me any money, just let me cover everything graciously. It's only eight days! Don't ask me to pitch in for someone's birthday or go out to a fancy dinner, but don't make a big deal about it either, please, I will be posh and rich again soon enough.)

What do you touch?

Keyboard, smooth and responsive - typing fast always makes me feel really smart and competent. The fingers on my left hand are a bit numb and getting callouses from guitar practice, which I have diligently been doing for a half hour every day, at least. My feet feel the carpet. My back feels stiff, from gym this morning, lots of lat pull-downs and rows and pull-ups and that kind of thing. Back day. My legs don't hurt but will when I stand up. I can feel grapes in my stomach too - there's something wrong with it and I hope it's just an enzyme imbalance of some sort, not the old demons back again, but they do recur at age 40-ish, so maybe. If it is that, I will handle it. But my arthritis in my fingers turned out not to be arthritis, and my vision turned out to be just drug-store-correctable vision, and my teeth were fine, so perhaps my belly is fine too. Just stress, and sleep deprivation, and too much eggs, and too much soy milk. No problem cutting those out of the diet for a week or so because I can't get groceries, right? Silver lining city.

What are you going to do?

That is the question that's off limits, you. That is why we're doing this exercise instead.