Green Bay

What a huge day.

In the morning I went to get a Wisconsin Driver's License, following my co-worker's advice to go first thing. It still took a while. The day was gloomy and wet, but not cold. Have I already been here long enough that 45 is not cold? I arrived 10 min. before opening and there was a line already. All nice, smiley people, of course. In their second or third warmest coats. It was foggy and wet in the air, and just to make it a bit more difficult, right right beside us, a crew was laying new tar on the driveway. Some guys would shovel lumps of bitumen into place, and then a big plate would come down with red-hot burners and then smoke like the 7th circle of hell would steam up into the foggy air and enfog all the people in the line. Everyone was patient and good natured about it. You have to get yourself in that frame of mind when you're going to the DMV.

There were two close calls such that it almost didn't happen. First, a rental lease is not sufficient proof of residency (!). They requested things like a utility bill 30- days old or a pay stub 30 days old, hard when you don't pay utilities and when you've only lived here for 23 days. But a photo ID from an employer was enough, and even though my ID doesn't say my employer's name on it, the name itself opens a lot of doors (words spoken to me later today by another Aussie, more on that later), so I got out of that near miss. Other one was the names weren't coming up on the computer they use to take the photos, but they could still do the photos anyway, the only impact seemed to be they couldn't call us up by name, so we self-organised into an orderly line instead.

However, I didn't get the license today, they have to mail it from Massachusetts somehow, after two weeks when they conduct some kind of further background check.

And, I had to surrender not only my very old Colorado license which was proof I've been licensed in the US before and so did not have to do the written or road test, so thank God I'd kept it all these years, but I also had to surrender my Aussie license! She'd made a huge fuss about how beautiful it was, with the picture of the Waratah, and oo'd and ah'd about how she's always wanted to go there, and why did I come back?

Giving up my Aussie driver's license made me very sad. And then I went straight from there to FedEx to mail my ballot for the election, and I had read on the Consulate web site when I was looking for their address that if you intend to live overseas for six years or more, you have to deregister and you're not allowed to vote any more. So I'm losing that as well, unexpectedly. Both of them unexpectedly. So I was feeling very sad this morning, and would even have got a bit weepy if anyone had said a cross word to me at all, but thankfully no one did.

One nice Aussie thing - my erstwhile ex sent me a care package last week, and included an extra jar of Vegemite and an extra packet of Tim Tams for the Aussie expat who works at work. I had left them on her desk with a big red bow and a note, and she rang me the minute she got them, and we compared driver's license stories. I had been a tad bit worried that it would be sycophantic to give her the presents since I'd earlier emailed a coffee invitation with no reply, but she was really pleased and the coffee invite was accepted. So that was a lovely Aussie thing.

At the end of the day, I decided to just press on and do the car shopping foray. It was raining, properly, not very hard, but enough to make the roads slippery. Dark dark. I'd finished my computer training at 4:30 so left right after that, and had to get some gas. I could feel that my neck was tense. My Aussie's instincts were, it was so cold and wet and dark, to just go home and get under the doona and bunker down, cuddly and safe. Instincts from way back to San Diego. The opposite of the instinct I remember talking about with one of my PhD supervisors who came from the UK, the instinct on every sunny day to drop everything and go outside to lie in the sun. You have to overcome that instinct when you live in San Diego. I have been living in San Diego-like places for not 15, 19 years. So I have the opposite instinct to overcome now - just because it's a little cold and wet and dark doesn't mean you drop everything and stay inside. So I headed up the road to Green Bay.

I had to say mantras to myself all the way up there. There was so much traffic, and low visibility, just a line of red tail lights into the distance ahead of me, in the fog. The mantras included "I am fine. I can do this. I can be the Dad. I used to do worse than this on the F3, in an old Jag! Three lanes, faster, maniac drivers, worse car, worse weather. I can do this. What if this was my commute? I would just do this. I'm a strong, capable person. I'm used to doing things for myself." I thought, "I wish S. could see me now. He always used to have to drive, whatever the circumstances. He'd be impressed. He'd be amazed." I thought, "I can do this. I live in Wisconsin now. We Wisconsinites drive in bad weather, no problem. We just carry on."

I heard on the radio that temperatures in the Northern part of the state would be in the low 20's, and thought, "Holy shit! If this rain turns to freezing rain, holy shit." I imagined staying overnight in Green Bay and driving back early to work, when at least it would be light. Yes, I was hysterical. Yes, I was overreacting. But my mantras got me there safe, and the rain lifted, and the trip back was fine, was a delight actually. On the way home my thought was, "I love driving on a highway at night."

The car shopping was as confusing as ever, but the sales guys were all over me even though I was a woman there by myself and had been warned by everyone that they wouldn't probably give me the time of day. I might be closer to a decision tonight. I dunno for sure, I'll have to keep working on things. But information has been gathered, anyway.

I got home, found a card from G. with a brochure from the AGNSW Sidney Nolan show which pulled at my heart, and also found a new Badger Globe credit card. Which means I can take parents out to nice dinner, which is really great. So the mail made me happy.

And parents come tomorrow!

But what a day.