Target-Rich Environment

So I was having a pretzel break at work, during a hectic day where I was buttoning everything up before going away for three days next week, and was catching up on the other Sam in the Sydney Morning Herald, and her post about how to get over an ex. In one of the comments someone recommended to "visualise on a daily basis someone wonderful coming into your life".

So I was trying it. One scenario I visualized was a colleague appearing at the door with a handsome stranger, saying, "Ellen, I'd like you to meet X, he's joined our team and the two of you will be working together on intense and important project Y." But, given that it's only remotely likely that Mr. Next will show up at my office door while I'm busy doing other things, I also tried to imagine myself meeting a handsome stranger while out doing something.

And the only thing I could imagine, that might lead to some kind of spark and interest and romance, was someone seeing me talk in front of a group and watching me say smart things. I think all my great loves have started out roughly this way. Those are my key strengths, I think, and also they are the good qualities in myself that I myself value, so if someone else values them that means our values are aligned.

It would be very rare for someone to come up and start a conversation with me just because he liked the way I look. And even if someone did think I looked good enough to come up and talk to, I don't value that quality in myself, or value people for whom it's the highest value in a courtship situation, so I would not be pleased by their attraction to me, I would view it with contempt. I think I have done exactly that in the past, actually. I have a vague memory of some boring guy or other talking about my nice smile, like that was going to impress me, and me feeling like going out of my way to demonstrate how punk and edgy and bad-ass I actually am, once you get to know me.

So. Where am I going to be where Mr. Next might see me talking in front of a group and being smart and insightful? One answer. I need to start up a Philorum. I want to have the same reaction I got after my very first Philorum three-minutes, when I made a boy go "Wow." under his breath.

September would be a good time - the Philosophy majors would all be coming back to college. I have August to put it together. I could totally do the first talk, the Free Will one is always a barnstormer that draws in the crowds. So.

Strangely, in almost the same mental breath, I was enthusiastically thinking about taking on the Appleton Knitting Meet-Up group, in which I would probably meet exactly zero boys, and where I would not be able to impress anyone with my vastly developed talent. But I'm excited about it anyway, and you do need women friends as well.

So. Once I get back into town, assuming I can quarantine my demanding job to leave enough time and spiritual bandwidth to be in charge of something, I think it's time to do this thing. And set up an environment where I can be my very most attractive self.