Ellen, you really shouldn't drink and blog

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a cry out for all that's ever been and been lost
for lost love
lost kitchens
lost history
everything that ever was and was loved and was gone
lost hope, lost imagination
closing down of possibilities
change, loss, grief, change

We feel as though we can't go on.

We go on.

but some days the memories overtake us, the loss wells up like a black void and overtakes us,
we see a tea towel with a chicken on it at the grocery store and realize we are not our grandmother, our great-aunt, our mother, our mother's friends,
we are ourselves, flawed, disappointing, incomplete

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It will be fine tomorrow. Tomorrow we will get up and go on, and do what needs doing and pretend it's normal and we don't feel feelings and we are dependable and it's all fine and perfectly normal.

But yesterday, all the yesterdays, in history, all the nows we imagined, all the I's we meant to be,
they are gone, all gone, all gone.

The title of this little rant is "It sucks to be 45."