Departure and Arrival

Sitting on the plane waiting for takeoff.

The kangaroo on the tail made me cry. I still call Australia home. Well, yesterday I caught myself calling Appleton home. Home is...what? Where the heart is, meaning the physical object the heart. Right now home is seat 55D on Qantas flight 11 to Los Angeles. Friday, October twenth-sixth, 2007.

Flight 11 also has an American Airlines number, a different one. So, if the plane can be both Australian and American at the same time, why can't I? So can I.
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I don't really feel any sense of closure or finality or departure. I can't believe everything actually got done. I can't believe I actually got everything out of the apartment. (And that the suitcases are both under United's maximum weight.) I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start it all again from the beginning.

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Pushing back now.

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I'm finally, finally, finally left alone. I don't have to be polite, I don't have to cheerily answer any telephones, I don't have to let anyone say an emotional goodbye to me. I hope I can continue to be alone alone on Sunday, all day.

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I keep thinking about him. I wish I had composed better emails to him, the last few.

The last Aussie email.

You have to go where your attention is. You have to be true to what you're feeling, you have to be true to your attractions. Maybe not, maybe that's bullshit rationalisation. But he's on my mind. I hope I can find internet access quickly so I can write him some good, well-written "what it's like" messages.

Lights off.

Try to sleep a bit.

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Watched:

Knocked Up
Faking It - Live TV Director
Saturday Night Fever
Trinny & Susanna - What Not to Wear
Top Gear

read:

nothing

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I remember the wish. I remember the effort of the psychic energy directed toward the Currier-&-Ives Christmas vision. The reality is different from the wish. I am living out the fulfillment of the wish but the now of it is different.

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The customs guy made me cry. A young, sexy Latino man. "Apple Town?" he said. "I'm getting hungry!" Then he stamped the form, folded my passport, and as he handed it to me he smiled and said, "Welcome home."

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Chicago O'Hare

At my gate there are planes leaving at 7:35, 7:40 and 7:55. Mine is the 7:55 one, to Appleton. The other two are going to Charleston. They are parked side by side at the same gate (F12 and F12A), both going to Charleston but one is going to Charleston, West Virginia and the other is going to Charleston, South Carolina. Two completely different cities.

Who thought that was a good idea?